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[nolongerbaby(sis)]

These are the thought questions our group leader brought in.

Now, as we begin, flip back over chapter one in Captivating and skim the pages. Did you highlight anything? What strikes you? What did it evoke in your heart?

What did you like about this chapter?

What did you not like about it? What are you struggling with?

What, if anything, presented in this chapter, are you having a hard time believing?

Have you ever felt a failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough as a woman? I am not enough , and I am too much, at the same time. Are you feeling it these days? In what ways?

Do you believe that if you were "better" life wouldn't be so hard? "Better" in what ways?

Is it a new thought to you that your heart as a woman is the most important thing about you? What does that mean to you?

Did you want to play a vital role in a great story?

Remembering Stasi's story of the canoe trip on Oxbow Bend, she felt needed and she did not fail. Are there places in your life where you feel that you are needed, vital, and essential? Do you like it?

What sort of adventures do you enjoy? And do you enjoy them most by yourself or in sharing them with a close friend or loved one?

Who in your life is beautiful to you? Why?

Is it primarily because of their outward appearance or is it more a matter of their heart?

Are you aware of your heart wanting more?

[nolongerbaby(sis)]

Do not feel like you have to answer some or any of these questions. If you want, you can just share your thoughts on the chapter. I forgot my book in the car so I'll have to bring it in tomorrow so I can look back over it. We are already on Chapter 5, so I don't remember all the details of the first chapter.

[skylasue78]

I read this book and my women's group did a study on it last year but I think it would be cool to start one here online I have my book on my bookshelf I will

[Citizen]

What did you not like about it? What are you struggling with?

It bothered me that they held in disdain the model of women serving. I hope they were exaggerating to make a point, but re-reading it this morning I'm not sure they were (pg. 6).

I believe we ARE here to serve -- men & women alike. It's a balancing act -- to help others we need to take care of ourselves too -- and I realize the point of this book is taking care of ourselves. But I hope they eventually tie it together.

Have you ever felt a failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough as a woman? I am not enough , and I am too much, at the same time.

Yes, I do feel both of those ways at times. Here is that paragraph: I am not enough , and I am too much, at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy."

Sometimes I feel like I disappoint people or let them down (I am not enough) and sometimes I think I'm hard on people, and wear them out (I am too much).

Who in your life is beautiful to you? Why? Is it primarily because of their outward appearance or is it more a matter of their heart?

It is both ... all of it. Beautiful physically, beautiful mind, beautiful spirit, beautiful heart ... just beautiful.

Are you aware of your heart wanting more?

Yes. You know, Jessi, a year ago this book might not have really interested me. But I think now this will be good for me to read -- whether I agree or disagree, it's going to make me PONder.

[nolongerbaby(sis)]

Hi Lori! I'm glad you are reading!!! I'm at my parents' right now waiting for my last load to dry. I really want to go home and go to bed. I'm SOO tired. I have a cookout tomorrow evening but don't plan to stay too long, then it will be home to watch the ball game and I hope to post while watching that.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts so far. I'll have to reread chapter 1, I don't remember them holding in disdain women serving. Do you mean serving like in the church or serving as in obeying the husband?

[Citizen]

No rush, Jessi -- I'm not on any schedule.

Here is the section that rubbed me the wrong way ...

But there has been precious little wisdom offered on the path to becoming a woman. Oh, we know the expectations that have been laid upon us by our families, our churches, and our cultures. There are reams of materials on what you ought to do to be a good woman. But that is not the same thing as knowing what the jouorney toward becoming a woman involves, or even what the goal really should be.

The church has not been a big help here. No, that's not quite honest enough. The church has been a part of the problem. Its message to women has been primarily "you are here to serve. That's why God created you: to serve. In the nursery, in the kitchen, on the various committees, in your home, in your community." Seriously now -- picture the women we hold up as models of femininity in the church. They are sweet, they are helpful, their hair is coiffed; they are busy, the are disciplined, they are composed, and they are tired.

Think about the women you meet at church. They're trying to live up to some model of femininity. What do they "teach " you about being a woman? What are they saying to us through their lives? Like we said, you'd have to conclude that a godly woman is .... tired. And guilty. We're all living in the shadow of that infamous icon, "The Proverbs 31 Woman," whose life is so busy I wonder, when does she have time for friendships, for taking walks, or reading good books? Her light neer goes out at night? When does she have sex? Somehow she has sanctified the shame most women live under, biblical proof that yet again we don't measure up. Is that supposed to be godly -- that sense that you are a failure as a woman?

[nolongerbaby(sis)]

I guess I didn't read that as being that they looked at serving with disdain, but that it's the "model woman" that we look up to who can do all those things and when we aren't able to, we feel like a failure.

It seems we have read the passage in two different lights. It will be interesting to see what others think of that passage.

Come on Greg, I know you will share! Mary do you have any thought on it?

I like this!!! Different perspectives!

[Disciple]

"The Proverbs 31 Woman," whose life is so busy I wonder, when does she have time for friendships, for taking walks, or reading good books? Her light neer goes out at night? When does she have sex?

We're not talking about Kristi here, are we?

Seriously, I did find this ironic:

Seriously now -- picture the women we hold up as models of femininity in the church.  They are sweet, they are helpful, their hair is coiffed; they are busy, the are disciplined, they are composed, and they are tired.

I'm at my parents' right now waiting for my last load to dry.  I really want to go home and go to bed.  I'm SOO tired.  I have a cookout tomorrow evening but don't plan to stay too long, then it will be home to watch the ball game and I hope to post while watching that.

[Citizen]

We're not talking about Kristi here, are we?  

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Maybe if we start talking about Kristi, she'll drop by more often!

[nolongerbaby(sis)]

We should try it!

[skylasue78]

My thoughts on this chapter is that women are the heart and nurtures of the chruch God made us that way but we look at it this way we want to be superwomen but we cannot be We are powrul and postive women God loves us for who we are not what we should be

[nolongerbaby(sis)]

What did you like about this chapter?
I liked that my thoughts of wanting to be romanced were not just some weird thoughts I have. The idea of wanting to be rescued or fought for. It was just nice to know I wasn't alone.

What did you not like about it? What are you struggling with?
I struggle with the whole "having a beauty to unveil". I know it's more than physical, but so often I don't feel beautiful on the inside or the outside. So I'm still struggling to accept that I am beautiful.


Have you ever felt a failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough as a woman? I am not enough , and I am too much, at the same time. Are you feeling it these days? In what ways?
I actually had a guy I dated tell someone that I was "draining". WOW! That hurt. It really made me feel like I was too much. I think some times I am too much because I think I'm not enough so I try so hard and that makes me too much. Does that make sense?

Do you believe that if you were "better" life wouldn't be so hard? "Better" in what ways?
Yes, I do. If I were phyiscally pretty I wouldn't feel like I wasn't good enough for anyone. If I were stronger emotionally I wouldn't be so frightening to people. I'm sure I could think of more, but that's enough to express what I want to.

Is it a new thought to you that your heart as a woman is the most important thing about you? What does that mean to you?
This idea isn't really new to me. I've always thought at women are more of the heart and men are more of the mind. I know it's not a hard fast rule for all, but seems to be the general way of things.

Did you want to play a vital role in a great story?
Oh, I still want to.

Remembering Stasi's story of the canoe trip on Oxbow Bend, she felt needed and she did not fail. Are there places in your life where you feel that you are needed, vital, and essential? No. Do you like it? No.

What sort of adventures do you enjoy? And do you enjoy them most by yourself or in sharing them with a close friend or loved one?I love doing new things, like going to a new ballpark or going somewhere new. And I enjoy doing these things with loved ones.

Who in your life is beautiful to you?My mom Why?Her strength

Is it primarily because of their outward appearance or is it more a matter of their heart? It's what she's made of, what's in her heart

Are you aware of your heart wanting more?
Absolutely.

[nolongerbaby(sis)]

Anyone have any other thoughts before I post the next chapter questions?

I'll post them tomorrow evening.